Adventurous

It was in an 05' beige Camry where I learned about the stars. Back when the belt straddled my neck and my grandmother drove over the speed limit. "See Chris, you're a capricorn just like me. I know how you think."

"What's a Capricorn?"

"Your parents never explained the horoscopes to you?" she asks.

"No."

"I think your brother knows them."

"Well I don't."

"Ok, then let me explain." Her explanation lasted the rest of the car ride. My grandmother rambled a loosely-formatted background story on the horoscopes of the stars. With each sentence on-topic came with one off-topic, but I still kept attention. I had become infatuated with the idea of horoscopes by the time we pulled into the driveway, and my grandmother just kept selling it to me.

As I continued spending my summer days at my grandma's house, she shared the daily horoscope with me. I tried to make sense of the advice given to me by the cosmos, but then again I was ten. Since that summer, I have been on and off reading my horoscope. Sometimes forgetting for one day, sometimes forgetting for years. My most common retreat to this knowledge comes when reading the about the attributes of each sign. I skim through web pages looking at each sign briefly, coming up with a name to fit the sign and maybe even the description. Then I look at mine and internalize. I'm looking for explanation to action. Horoscopes provide that.

Making sense of my world has been a lifelong struggle. As a kid my mind ventured through different meanings of existence. As did most of us. But for me, it was different. I had begun to do extensive research on different religions and beliefs. I wanted to learn the different theories on life's purpose and understand the perspective of others. I also was looking for something else. I was hoping to find a concrete answer. Well of course that answer never came up. I found myself frustrated. It was not until my brother asked me a question did I find my answer. "Hey Chris, what's the point of life?"

"I don't know."

"To live." He turned away and diverted his attention to the next thing in site. I froze and looked forward. Though only 14 years old and with the intentions of proving my stupidity with the question, my brother had given me one of the wisest pieces of knowledge I've ever heard in 20 years. From that day I began living. I started asking less questions, and going on more adventures. Less worrying and more loving. I did not need to try and make sense of my life anymore. The venturing inward had taken a halt. I had figured out that life means nothing, but what it means to me. And so I began to venture out and live what I learned.

I use the word adventurous as the title of this prose because it is the first word I think of to describe myself. I use this word because I am constantly seeking. I urge to touch untouched land, speak unspoken prose, and achieve what is yet to be imagined. I go places where I might get lost but that's fine, I'm living.